This is the first holiday without my grandfather. Well, I suppose that isn't really true. New Years was the first holiday without him, but, at that moment, I was still very much too raw and too numb to really feel much of anything. Also, New Years day, my husband and I drove three hours to where he would meet the bus to go back to the military base from which he was deploying. Oh, and there was the horrible bladder infection that I was dealing with at the same time. So, I couldn't really even comprehend New Years as a holiday, much less that it was a holiday without my grandfather. That it was a New Years Eve without the man who'd let me stay up until midnight so that we could watch the ball drop in far away Time's Square so many times when I was a young girl, spending my Christmas break with my grandparents, as he drank his beer and ate his Fritos.
But it wasn't until today that I started to experience what a holiday might be like without this man. This morning, as I was headed out to run some early errands, I opened the Valentine's Day card that my uncle sent to me. It was just a funny, cute little card. But it reminded me that, whether I had a significant other or not, there were always people who loved me and that I never went a Valentine's Day without a card or a present. And I think that was started by my grandfather, who always sent cards to my mother and I and always had a small Valentine's Day present at his house for us whenever we visited closest to the holiday. It was always candy and always had a Snoopy figure somewhere in there. And I don't mean to diminish the cards and presents I've received from other family members, but it always seemed so special and unusual to receive a present on the most romantic of holidays from the man who responded "Me too" when you told him that you loved him. So I opened the card from my uncle and started bawling. As much as I know it was his time and I'm much more at peace with his passing than I would be that of other people's, I do miss him so very much.
But, overall, I had a very productive day. Actually, I probably had the most productive day I've had in quite awhile. I'm sure this is due in no small part to being both more physically and emotionally well than I have been in several weeks. And I'm sure the flowers helped. My last stop of the whole day was Walmart- that bastion of mass consumerism and consumption. It was not until then, at four o'clock in the afternoon, that I noticed that it was a truly beautiful day. Mild weather, sunshine, and, best of all, a clear blue sky. And clear blue skies often lead to one of my favorite daytime phenomenons-- the daytime moon.
And at this I heard the song "Somewhere Out There" from An American Tale in my head. It usually accompanies the daytime moon phenomenon. But when I walked into Wal-mart, I was a little freaked out to hear the song being played. But I was also a little happy. It seemed like the universe was giving me a little hug. So I'd like to thank who or whatever was in charge of that little coincidence. I'm very grateful.
Somewhere Out There by Linday Ronstadt and James Ingram
Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight
Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky
Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky
Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true
(Ok so it's a horrible video, but a decent song)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRaieyN77UI
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