Monday, February 18, 2008

Does He Love You?- Reba McEntire & Linda Davis

REBA:I've known about you for a while now.
When he leaves me, he wears a smile now.
As soon as he's away from me,
in your arms is where he wants to be.
LINDA:But you're the one he rushes home to.
You're the one he gave his name to.
I never see his face in the early morning light.
You have his mornings, his daytimes,
and sometimes, I have his nights.

CHORUS:But does he love you(does he love you)
Like he loves me(like he loves me)?
Does he think of you (does he think of you)
When he's holdin' me?
And does he whisper
Does he whisper all his fantasies?
Does he love you(does he love you)
like he's been lovin' me?

LINDA:But when he's with me
He says he needs me
and that he wants me
that he believes in me
REBA:And when i'm in his arms
Oh he swears there's no one else
Is he deceiving me
Or am i deceiving myself?

CHORUS
But does he love you(does he love you)
Like he loves me(like he loves me)?
Does he think of you (does he think of you)
When he's holdin' me?
And does he whisper
Does he whisper all his fantasies?
Does he love you(does he love you)
like he's been lovin' me?

Bridge:
REBA: Oh why shouldn't i lose my temper?
LINDA: Oh why shouldn't i be ashamed?
REBA: Cause i have everything to lose
LINDA: And i, I have nothing to gain.

CHORUS:
But does he love you(does he love you)
Like he loves me(like he loves me)?
Does he think of you (does he think of you)
When he's holdin' me?
And does he whisper
Does he whisper all his fantasies?
Does he love you(does he love you)
like he's been lovin' me?

Live Version with Reba and Linda
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhvMRt2waYQ
Jamie O'Neil and Carrie Underwood
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRtn2CCChfM

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Valentine's Day Eve

This day has been a crazy mess of ups and downs. For the most part though, I think that the ups were due to the amazing things that others did me and the downs have been... well, sort of incidental, the ghosts of past tragedies popping into my mind. Tomorrow, I'll post about the wonderful gifts that my family bestowed on me today, so that I could enjoy them for the whole of Valentine's Day, I really want to post tonight on the other gifts and ghosts of the day.

This is the first holiday without my grandfather. Well, I suppose that isn't really true. New Years was the first holiday without him, but, at that moment, I was still very much too raw and too numb to really feel much of anything. Also, New Years day, my husband and I drove three hours to where he would meet the bus to go back to the military base from which he was deploying. Oh, and there was the horrible bladder infection that I was dealing with at the same time. So, I couldn't really even comprehend New Years as a holiday, much less that it was a holiday without my grandfather. That it was a New Years Eve without the man who'd let me stay up until midnight so that we could watch the ball drop in far away Time's Square so many times when I was a young girl, spending my Christmas break with my grandparents, as he drank his beer and ate his Fritos.

But it wasn't until today that I started to experience what a holiday might be like without this man. This morning, as I was headed out to run some early errands, I opened the Valentine's Day card that my uncle sent to me. It was just a funny, cute little card. But it reminded me that, whether I had a significant other or not, there were always people who loved me and that I never went a Valentine's Day without a card or a present. And I think that was started by my grandfather, who always sent cards to my mother and I and always had a small Valentine's Day present at his house for us whenever we visited closest to the holiday. It was always candy and always had a Snoopy figure somewhere in there. And I don't mean to diminish the cards and presents I've received from other family members, but it always seemed so special and unusual to receive a present on the most romantic of holidays from the man who responded "Me too" when you told him that you loved him. So I opened the card from my uncle and started bawling. As much as I know it was his time and I'm much more at peace with his passing than I would be that of other people's, I do miss him so very much.

But, overall, I had a very productive day. Actually, I probably had the most productive day I've had in quite awhile. I'm sure this is due in no small part to being both more physically and emotionally well than I have been in several weeks. And I'm sure the flowers helped. My last stop of the whole day was Walmart- that bastion of mass consumerism and consumption. It was not until then, at four o'clock in the afternoon, that I noticed that it was a truly beautiful day. Mild weather, sunshine, and, best of all, a clear blue sky. And clear blue skies often lead to one of my favorite daytime phenomenons-- the daytime moon.
Photobucket
And at this I heard the song "Somewhere Out There" from An American Tale in my head. It usually accompanies the daytime moon phenomenon. But when I walked into Wal-mart, I was a little freaked out to hear the song being played. But I was also a little happy. It seemed like the universe was giving me a little hug. So I'd like to thank who or whatever was in charge of that little coincidence. I'm very grateful.

Somewhere Out There by Linday Ronstadt and James Ingram
Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star


And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star


And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

(Ok so it's a horrible video, but a decent song)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRaieyN77UI

Monday, February 11, 2008

Grasping at Straws and Praying for Change

"Nobody said it was easy/No one ever said it would be so hard"- Coldplay

It seems like it would be easy, right? You fall in love. A kind of love that you've never felt. At a time when you didn't want love, weren't looking for love, hell- never thought you'd find love again. But this love blows all the other things that you called love out of the water. And you find that not only can you completely be yourself with this person, but you find yourself actually making use of the things you learned in all the previous past failed relationships in an effort to make this relationship all the better. Instead of wanting to be a specific kind of better person so that you can be more well-matched to this person, you find yourself wanting to be a better person in general, better to your lover, better to the world, but better in ways that expand on who you already are. Your lover also feels the same way.

So you let yourself fall and you get married and the two of you talk about planning the future, despite your true love's impending year-long deployment. But it isn't long before the real world comes breaking into your fairy tale life and reality rears its ugly head. And all of that wanting to be better shit gets lost as you fall back into your old ruts. Ruts built by living a whole life before your partner showed up, by your reactions to the family and enviroment into which you were born. The problem is that you know your rut and you've tried to balance that out. Also, your rut is fairly singularly SELF-destructive and only involves you hating yourself. But your lover grew up in a completely different sort of family and environment than you did, lived in a world that you can barely begin to understand. And when your lover starts to act in ways that hurt you, that make you feel deeply betrayed, all you want to do is find a way to explain their behavior so that maybe that behavior can change and the relationship can be salvaged. (Sidenote: Does it mean that you are trying to "change" that person, to "fix" them? Does it make it any better if you didn't know about that behavior before you had made the BIG commitment, so now the change is only to help sustain the commitment, instead of building yourself the perfect partner?) So, you look at their past and you grasp at straws to find a more reasonable explanation for their behavior than that they are just an irredeemable asshole that you should leave as soon as possible. And you pray for the changes that would allow you to stay because, while all of the betrayals revealed in the last couple of days didn't make you cry, imagining him getting handed the papers that would dissolve the BIG commitment that you made to each other made you bawl like a baby.

On the Adult Children of Addicts
Even more self-defeating,
we became addicted to excitement in all our affairs, preferring constant upset
to workable solutions. ( http://www.adultchildren.org/lit/Problem.s
)

A few of these can be that they:
have to guess what normal
behaviour is in many situations,
have difficulties completing projects,
lie when it is equally simple to tell the truth,
are self-judgmental,
have difficulties having fun,
take themselves very seriously,
have
problems in intimate relationships,
overreact to changes which they can't
control,
are always looking for approval and confirmation,
think they're
different,
are either extremely responsible or extremely irresponsible,
are extremely loyal, also to people who do not deserve it,
are
impulsive.
( http://web4health.info/en/answers/add-adult-children-of-alcoholics.htm
)