IM Conversation Today

Names changed to site pseudonyms, not really to protect the innocent because I don't really believe anyone is innocent in this case.


Stewart (7/16/2008 12:22:13 PM): hey
Ava (7/16/2008 12:29:08 PM): hey
Stewart (7/16/2008 12:29:14 PM): hey
Stewart (7/16/2008 12:30:56 PM): stopped by your house monday to see if you were around
Ava (7/16/2008 12:31:18 PM): you know, some people might think that was creepy
Stewart (7/16/2008 12:31:39 PM): what do you mean
Stewart (7/16/2008 12:31:43 PM): we are friends arent we
Stewart (7/16/2008 12:31:49 PM): just saying hi is not creepy
Ava (7/16/2008 12:32:51 PM): Except that I've told you time and again not to just stop by my house. Also, at this point, I don't live there anymore.
Ava (7/16/2008 12:33:55 PM): And you don't stop by just to say. You stop by because you are hoping that you are going to get laid. Which you aren't. Even if I was there, if you don't call first, you aren't going to get laid because I'm probably not in a state in which I'd have sex with you, even if I ever was to have sex with you again.
Stewart (7/16/2008 12:34:26 PM): what is your problem
Stewart (7/16/2008 12:34:36 PM): you sound like you have gone crazy
Ava (7/16/2008 12:35:27 PM): No. It's just that from that start I told you not to just stop by, without calling.
Ava (7/16/2008 12:35:51 PM): But you keep doing it. And you keep finding me not there and I don't seem upset that I'm not there at all.
Ava (7/16/2008 12:35:58 PM): Doesn't that make you wonder????
Ava (7/16/2008 12:36:27 PM): Isn't it obvious by now that I'm trying to get rid of you but I don't want to seem too mean and bitchy but I guess I have to be.
Ava (7/16/2008 12:36:42 PM): The crazy part is that I didn't just tell you earlier to get lost.
Ava (7/16/2008 12:36:58 PM): I have NO interest in fucking you ever again.
Stewart (7/16/2008 12:38:10 PM): are you still married
Ava (7/16/2008 12:38:53 PM): why does it matter? Whether I am married or not, seeing someone or not, whether no one in the world but you will fuck me, I still don't want to fuck you.
Stewart (7/16/2008 12:39:18 PM): that is good, because to be quite honest, and I was not trying to be mean, you are way below my level of attraction. You are fat, extremely unattractive and was just a piece of ass, and not a very good one at that.
Ava (7/16/2008 12:40:20 PM): That's fine. I quite obviously didn't know why you wanted to fuck me anyway because of all the things you just said. So bye. Never contact me again and I'll never contact you again.
Stewart (7/16/2008 12:40:33 PM): You should of been lucky that someone like me would even look at you, more less fuck you.
Stewart (7/16/2008 12:40:40 PM): sounds like a deal
[yet he still continues to talk......]Stewart (7/16/2008 12:41:19 PM): some people just amaze me why they act the way they do, when thet have things right in front of them and dont take advantage of the, but I cant teach people to be smart [guess he means that I should have taken advantage of having such a hot wonderful male lover who would stoop to my level to fuck me. Actually, I do, when they are good. In fact I married one of them. Just because I don't understand how a guy could possibly be attracted to me doesn't mean I will pass it up. I usually won't.]
Stewart (7/16/2008 12:41:24 PM): so good luck there

Now I'm not really so insulted by anything he said. He was just sex in a box, a married man who was not planning on leaving his wife, just someone to fuck. We had lunch the first time we met so that we could meet in person in a public place. But other than that, we never went out and I never expected we would. It's not like I wanted some kind of relationship with him and he didn't come through on that. But, to be generous, we weren't very good in bed together and he also pushed me for things that I wasn't comfortable doing with him. Granted, they were things that I definately wanted to do and probably will do in the future, but I honestly didn't want to do them with him, mostly because I could tell that he had no respect for me and just viewed me as a "piece of ass". So I contacted him less, dropped obvious hints of my unavailability, hoped that he'd get it, but he never did, so finally I just told him today. I didn't want to have to be mean and I suppose I could have been a good deal meaner, as he chose to be.

But what I don't understand is why people can't just get it and nicely walk away? I have a couple of sex in a boxes that I have chosen not to continue for one reason or another. If there is a specific reason, for instance "I really like messing around with you but you have this rule against kissing and I'm just not ok with that, so we'll be friends if you want, or more if you change your mind," I'll tell you the specific reason and we'll see if it can be worked on or if it can't. Either way, I wish you the best and that's it. In that particular case, that partner checks up on me as a friend every once in a while and we talk about life, but that's it. I had another sex in the box that who got a different job and neither of us were available the hours that the other could hang out and also I sorta demand some kind of planning because I'm usually not "sex-ready" at a moment's notice. Maybe he saw that as me not being interested in sex with him anymore or maybe he just isn't online anymore. Either way, there were no hard feelings expressed and none felt on my end. One of my few forays into the sex in the box with a female didn't work out because, while I think I explained myself fully as to what it was and wasn't, I don't think she thought I'd be with other people at the same time in real life, even though that was part of the theory. There was a day or two of weirdness and some hurt feelings, for which I took full responsibility for and I tried to explain everything again, but, obviously, I knew that the sex in the box couldn't continue, nor would I have attempted to continue it once the hurt feelings and misunderstandings were smoothed over. We are still friends now though. I wonder why they can't all go like that?

My funniest, in my opinion, though possibly scariest experience, was a guy who I had a FWB (friends with benefits) relationship with for almost a year. While I was pretty good about keeping it friendly and being obvious in the fact that I knew he was probably dating other women (asking him if he'd had recent dates and how they went in a genuinely caring manner, not a jealous way), I would also ask about when we might hang out and do something other than sex. Not even really as a couple but just as friends, because the relationship was mostly the benefits, very little friendship, and, while he kept saying that he wanted to date me when his work schedule calmed down, it never did. Over this year, I went on dates with a few women, but nothing really came of it. He knew about these dates with women and he seemed ok with me dating other people while we were having sex. Except that I later found out it was really only that he was ok with me dating WOMEN, possibly fucking women, but not men, because when I hooked up with a man, in a very unexpected situation, he hit the roof. Of course, he also said then that he wanted a relationship and that he was going to tell me the next time we got together. *eye roll* I bet. Even though I didn't want to see him again and I told him I wasn't really interested in anything with him because of how he had reacted and because I didn't want to be with just one person, I agreed to let him come over, at which point he didn't know the meaning of the word "no" anymore. For a while after that, as a sort of vengence on my part, I acted, on IM and over the phone, like I wanted to be with him, like he was the only one I wanted to be with, like I wasn't with anyone else, but I was just too busy to see him when he could see me. It was all bullshit though as I had several sex in boxes. When I finally came clean and told him the truth, he called me crazy, said I'd been crazy the whole time, said he knew I could never be monogamous and that I never really wanted a relationship with him, etc, etc, etc. He was pissed and I don't blame him. Actually, him being pissed and hurt was the whole point. But it should have ended right there, right? He should have just moved on and stayed moved on. But, after accidentally running into him at a local convenience store where we didn't talk to each other or even act like we knew each other, he IM'd me, told me that he was often in my area (he lives way North but works in my area of the metro), told me that his relationship with his girlfriend was open (I'll believe that when she tells me), and told me that he wanted to hook up again. But wait.... I thought I was a crazy bitch? Oh, he still thought I was a crazy bitch but the sex was always good and he wanted more. OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!! I just don't get it. Obviously, that's a no as well.

It's nice to know that no matter how REAL and full of really hard decisions one's life can become, stupid drama still shows up. Even when one thought they were free of it. And I think we should take bets to see how long it is before Stewart comes around again, asking for some inferior piece of my ass. I say less than 6 months but more than 3.

A Few More Boxes

I think I have an abnormally high sex drive. This combined with the fact that I am not too particular about the things most women are when it comes to men (like being married or taken, like the possibility of having a future monogamous romantic relationship, like the possibility of falling in love) means that I have some new "sex in a box" partners. They are very fun but very different. And, of course, I have some new psuedonyms.

The first one I met is Chimera. I met him through the Pack. I helped the Female Alpha interview him as a new possible slave for her on a 3d avatar chat program where they take these kind of relationships very seriously. Unlike the other possible slaves that I had interviewed previously, this young man (20) was very thoughtful and also showed a great deal of potential as a submissive. Outside of talking with him with the rest of the pack, he and I spend a great deal of time away from the Pack. We became quite friendly, as two subs talking about what we wanted out of a dominant. I also learned about his real life situation. He has a beautiful daughter and he is plannning on marrying her mother in the next year or so. While he and his fiancee are kinky in bed, she is a sub and, while he tries hard to fulfill what she desires, she seems to get turned off by what he wants, though she has tried a few times to humor him, though she feels weird afterwards. Unfortunately, I met him right before things disintegrated with the Pack and I didn't want him to risk losing his first chances at having a mistress, albeit only online, by talking to me, if the Female Alpha had a problem with it. As I didn't hear from him for weeks, I assumed that is what happened. But then, a few weeks ago, we started talking again. It seems like he had just become disillusioned by the whole situation because the Female Alpha was not online enough and did not give him the amount of instructions he was hoping for. At first, we were just talking as friends, but within a few days, I found myself taking on the role of a domme for him. It has been rather fun though it was recently been pointed out to me that I haven't been quite as dominant as I should be and that I've been letting his top from the bottom, so I started yesterday being a more demanding, less-playful domme. Unfortunately, Chimera lives in Ohio so all of my domming is being handled long-distance, despite how much I'd like for there to be some kind of sex in the real world.

My other latest "sex in the box" is with Stewart. Or at least that is how he introduced himself when he sent me a random, unsolicited IM last week. Of course, during our first conversation, as all men do, he claimed not to be married or taken, but he was interesting and nice and didn't mention wanting sex right away, so, contrary to what I usually do, which is just block any unsolicited IMs, I continued to talk to him. I saw him on his webcam and I sent him some pics of me. We met up on Wednesday, as I suspected, Stewart wasn't his real name and he is unhappily married. But we had a good lunch with a great conversation and the sex was pretty good, so we are continuing with that as well. Despite the fact that he looks like your average suburban dad and business man and that the sex was pretty vanilla at first, he started to reveal some of his kink today. I really love getting with men who look straight-laced, but are just hiding that they are as strange as I look.

Unfortunately, I don't have any boxes with women. There is a very good reason for this. I do not want to fall in love but I do want sex. I can easily have this with men. And it is actually so much easier to have sex without a risk of your partner wanting a relationship or falling in love if they are already taken. But I couldn't really do with a woman. I have too much respect for women to use them as I do men. And I'd have to play the "I really do want a relationship" game with women, when I know I really don't. Plus, I've found that I can be honest with men about how I feel about sex and relationships and my kinks, whereas I've found that most women don't react well to finding out how I truly feel about those things.

I've also noticed a trend that happens when I'm feeling better, more confident, less needy. I seem to be much more confident and less needy when I'm actually getting sex already, which used to entail being in a relationship. This confidence and un-neediness seems to attract other people, especially men. So, right now, I seem to be collecting men, like poor stray puppies who show up at my door and I just can't seem to turn any of them away. But I'm still not getting enough sex!