Thursday, July 27, 2006

Scariest Dream Ever

Have you ever had a dream in which someone you know in real life does something that makes you very angry and you are still very angry at them when you wake up? Like they had actually done that in real life? Well, I had one of those a few days ago.
In my dream, my parents were swingers. (Thinking of ones own parents having sex is bad enough, much less thinking of them in the middle of swinger orgies.) Now the knowledge that they were swingers was bad enough, but I was just going to ignore it, live and let live, you know. But then I got up one night to get something to eat and my mom's lover was up getting something too! Unbeknownst to me, my parents each had a lover living with them, in the bedroom right above my head. That was the final straw for me! I marched into their bedroom, where all parties were lounging on what appeared to be two large beds pushed together, and screamed, "Get out, get out, get out!!!! Get out of my house." One interesting sidenote is that my (straight, as far as I know) mother had a young nubile model-looking female lover while my step-dad had a trashy, chubby, mid-30s woman who could have been ripped straight from a trailer park episode of COPS. The lovers were bewildered, but I kept yelling at them and pointing at the door. My parents wanted me to "chill out." I don't really remember if they ever left or not.
Then, later in the dream, my mom, my former friend Mike, and I were all shopping at a very run down department store. We were standing in line at the register, Mike in front of me, my mother behind me. A "suave" guy started flirting with my mom, leaning very close to her. I stepped in between them, pushing my mom back, and yelling at the guy for flirting with my mom and asking if he had ever heard of personal space. My mom just giggled like a teenager. Driving in the car after leaving the store, she teased me. "Why are you so upset? Does it bother you that your mother has sex? You are such a prude!"
Needless to say, after I awoke from this dream, I called my mother and bitched her out for being such a dirty, flirty slut.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Releasing my Inner Dork

For a good part of my life, I have tried to temper my inner dork or inner geek with cool-outsider-ness, mostly in the form of kinky sex knowledge, freaky hair, piercings, and tattooes. I tried very hard to temper my geeky desire for all the insider knowledge about the mainstream subjects that I was interested in, especially with the fact that I was trying to be most interested in MAINSTREAM things. But lately, more and more, I'm embrassing my inner geek. I've started reading comic books. I've started reading more fantasy books. And I've started watching Battlestar Galactica. Granted, it's not the 70s version, but this SciFi Channel original series that reworks the campy 70s science fiction tv show is still largely considered a cult phenomenon. Probably for the sole reason that it is a science fiction show, based on a cheesy 1970s show with bad special effects, this amazing show does not get half the credit of other great basic cable shows, such as The Shield, Rescue Me, or Nip/Tuck. I even stayed away from the show for two full seasons. But alot of the liberal blogs that I read mentioned their love of SciFi Fridays, especially Battlestar Gallactica. It also seemed to have an intricate, political, sociological, religious, mysterious quality to the plots and actions, so I gave it a try by getting the SciFi miniseries that started the show from Netflix and IT IS AWESOME!!!!! After the Cyclons (AI that the humans thought they had defeated and banished) evolve and launch a surprise attack on all of human civilization, the remaining humans go in search of someplace to live and the Commander says they are going to go to the mythical 13th Colony Earth, which actually does exist and he knows where it is. Except that he later tells the recently sworn in as president Minister of Education that it really doesn't exist. And the Cyclons look just like humans! Dark, gritty, and full of wheeling and dealing, it is a great show. So, I'm just going to let my inner geek come out and decide for me, because it is paying off so far.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Damn, It's Nice to Have a Social Life!

I'm not the more extroverted person in the world. When I lived here back in 2001-2002, I tried to start friendships with people I went to community college with, but nothing really stuck. But I had one good friend from high school and my (long-distance) significant other, so I was fine. Then, when I lived in St Louis, I had "school friends" and I participated in LGBT functions, but the only friend I really had was my significant other. Then, when I moved back here, my significant other became only my bestfriend, but still pretty much my only friend, though I did cycle through a few friends, though they never stuck around my life long and I didn't integrate well into their group of friends, if at all.

But now it seems like I might actually be making friends through a friend of a friend that I've been dating. All of her friends seem to be really cool, accepting, and non-dramatic, so far at least. And I really like that. They are mostly gays (or undecideds), in their late-teens or twenties, and a bunch of fun. They don't seem overly preoccupied with getting drunk or high. While the woman I'm dating is a social butterfly, she and all her friends seem to accept that I am not and they are ok with that. So I'm happy to have a group of people that I can hang out with when I want some company.

PS We are "dating", though we are taking it very slow for the time being.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

In Terms of Love--- SheDaisy

Sir- Friday, as I was driving to the bank to deposit my paycheck, I heard this song. I've always like this group, a much more country and less popular version of the Dixie Chicks, so I paid attention when I heard the voices. The line about second chances not happening twice really touched me. It made me call Kelly and see if she was doing something this weekend and wanted to hang out in person. Despite all the hang-ups and hesitations I have about dating, well, anyone right now, I thought it was really important to take the risk. And it turned out well. In fact, she wanted me to come over tonight to hang out with the same group of friends and play cards, though I'm too tired. We're planning on hanging out tomorrow though. But I also really want this song to be true of how I feel about you and us. I guess it is still hard and it is still day by day right now. I hope you go to myspace and listen to it though. It is really good. -Ava

Now and then I confess you cross my mind
Now and then I guess I have a little too much time
I've changed my way of thinking
I've tried hard to separate
What came too soon
From what came too late

(chorus)
I don't think about me in terms of you
I don't think about you in terms of us
I don't think about us in terms of love
I don't think about then in terms of now
I found a way to start again somehow
I don't think about what we thought it was
Oh, in terms of love
Oh, in terms of love

I'm countin' on heaven to understand
I didn't mean to go and mess up all the plans
Sometimes you know where you should go
Before you know the way
I'll bother with tomorrow
Once I've made it through today

(chorus)
I don't think about me in terms of you
I don't think about you in terms of us
I don't think about us in terms of love
I don't think about then in terms of now
I found a way to start again somehow
I don't think about what we thought it was
Oh, in terms of love

I don't think about black in terms of gray
Or revelations in the light of day
I don't think about cold in terms of ice
Or second chances happenin' twice

(chorus)
I don't think about me in terms of you
I don't think about you in terms of us
I don't think about us in terms of love
I don't think about then in terms of now
I found a way to start again somehow
I don't think about what we thought it was
Oh, in terms of love
In terms of love
Oh, yeah
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I don't think about us in terms of love