Friday, November 24, 2006

Integrity: 0, Desire: 1

So, for those of you playing along at home, I am nowhere near actually implimenting the ideas of the Ani song "Manhole" that I so love. What she doesn't say is that sometimes you need to learn the same lesson several million times before you can actually live it. And this time integrity definately did not win over desire. I still haven't found that thing that isn't danger/potential for bad treatment/etc that will cause light my fire for someone, but I have found that danger/potential for bad treatment/etc still do it for me. I've always loved to watch fires, imagine myself inside that warmth. For kids are told by their parents not to put their hand on the stove or in a fire, but some kids still have to do it once just to be sure that it really is an unpleasant experience. I know that fire will burn me. I know that fire will hurt me. I guess I just still can't convince myself that those aren't the things I want.

"I Don't Trust Myself (With Loving You)"-John Mayer
No i'm not the man i used to be lately
See you met me at an interesting time
If my past is any sign of your future
You should be warned before i let you inside

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you

I will beg my way into your garden
I will break my way out when it rains
Just to get back to the place where i started
So i can want you back all over again

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you

Who do you love?
I see through, through your love?
Who do you love, me or the thought of me?
me or the thought of me?

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever gets you through through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you
I don't trust myself with loving you
I don't trust myself with loving you
I don't trust myself with loving you

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