Part 1: St. Louis and Tattoos
As most people know by now, I got married Tuesday, October 9th, in Las Vegas, Nevada. It was a very sudden decision, though I think, obviously, that it was the right one. Ever since I left to get married, I have wanted to write the blog entries that would explain what had happened in my life to get me to a place where I would run off to Vegas with a man (yes, a MAN) that I’d only known for two months to get married. Some explanation other than just being crazy.
If I said it started with the trip to St Louis, I’d probably be lying. During the first weekend I spent with Boy Toy, I SAW us getting married before he deployed for Iraq. Intuition isn’t quite the right word, but it is the first one that comes to mind. I can even picture in my mind’s eye where we were when I knew it. But from that moment on, I tried to do everything I could to not give in to that idea. I tried not to act at all girlfriend-y, tried not to call very much, and I saw plenty of other people, all of which he knew about. But he still wanted to make it more serious than we had planned, by asking me to start dating seriously before he deployed, which wasn’t part of his plan, or mine.
Then, I really overstepped. The Sunday before the trip, I had a serious depressive episode. Boy Toy was back in College Town, packing up all his stuff so that he’d be ready to leave for training. I called him to “say good-bye”, but I also told him that I loved him. I put on it the caveat that I didn’t expect him to feel the same, much less say anything back. And he didn’t say it back, just that he did care for me and that he didn’t want this to be the end of anything. I found out later that he had his own intuition. He felt that I would be fine in the end and that the only thing he could really do to help me was to put a protection spell on me and continue with his packing.
Basically, this brings us up to speed for the trip to St Louis. While BT and I were putting bags in the car, he told me that he knew he would say what I had said (“I love you”) soon, but that he just didn’t want to say it without fully meaning it, etc, etc. I sorta laughed it off, telling him that he really shouldn’t worry about saying anything at anytime. But we were barely out of the metro area before he whispered “I love you” in my ear as we cuddled in the backseat while my poor mother drove.
That was the start of the back and forth that continued all weekend. One of us would put something out there that we had been afraid of telling the other, only to find that, not only did the other person share that feeling, but that the other person wanted to take it a step farther. One example involves the tattoos that we ended up getting. Friday night in the car, BT said that he wanted to get me something with the emblem of a crow on it, as a symbol of protection, a symbol of constant return even beyond death. That we would return to each other no matter what. I thought it was really sweet. As we went to sleep that night, I asked him where would be the best place to get a tattoo of protection, thinking specifically of getting a crow. His answer was the back because you can’t watch it yourself. Saturday morning when I told him about my desire to get it as a tattoo on my back, he jumped at the idea to find designs from the internet when we got to my grandma’s later that day. When he brought me the pictures he’d printed from online, he even went a step farther, asking what I would think of putting a heartogram in the center of the crow design, especially as he was thinking of getting a heartogram as well. I could see he was testing something with it. So I raised him, asking him what he thought about me getting the head colored in green, for his eyes. We both got our tats together that night.
It was the same with most things over the weekend, which is how we went from planning on seriously dating when he got back to moving in together to getting married in December when he was home on Christmas Exodus before he deploys. He even did the whole proposal thing on his knees in front of my family on Sunday morning before we left St. Louis. And, despite the fact that my mom barely talked to us the whole trip back, we were all smiles and lovey-dovey-ness.
Thus closes out the first part of our story.