I guess I don't even know where to start right now. It's been quite a while since I've blogged and my life has been a weird series of ups and downs, some that I expected and many that I didn't.
One of the hardest things but also the thing that I'm most ambivalent about is the reoccurance of my uncle's cancer. He was diagnosed with a rare type of sarcoma (tumor) May 2007 and had radical surgery June 2007. My mom and my uncle's boyfriend went with him while he got his surgery and recovered. (He went up to the Mayo Clinic in MN, which is about 10 hours away from where we live because they have the best program for that type of cancer.) At the time, I stayed with my grandparents because my grandfather had just had a stroke and I was the only one able to really stay with them, so I was useless to my uncle but I was useful to my grandparents. They thought they got all the tumor but apparently not because he had to get another surgery THIS June and then radiation (which is tiring but not too bad). But he was having a great deal of pain in his back. (The original sarcoma was in his chest so they expected it to say in that area. Apparently they were wrong.) The pain in his chest was from another sarcoma. Now they want to do chemo. Nothing has been decided yet but....I just feel useless. All I want to do when I think about it is cry, so I'm probably not much use in talking to him. Everyone in my family went to see him last weekend but I couldn't go because I had bronchitis and I didn't want to spread it to all the other cancer patients there. I'm hoping to get to visit him sometime this week when I'm not working but.... He's so young!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can he be so sick!
My health isn't going so great either. Just after my birthday, I got a really REALLY bad stomach bug. I had to go to the ER because I couldn't stop puking and everytime I puked, I shit too, so I was pretty sure I was getting dehydrated. After the stomach flu stopped, I got the head cold that TyRoy and my mom both had because my immune system was weak. That turned into bronchitis. Which was a lot of fun. At least I have to give props to TyRoy because he didn't turn away from he gross stuff and he took care of me as best as he could. While I know that BT doesn't like him (and BT would have done an even more subservient job), TyRoy really did take care of me.
The other health problem is even more gross and I'm not even sure I want to talk about it here, but maybe it will help others feel not so bad about it when it happens to them. Well, as most of you know, I got my gallbladder taken out in September 2007. I was really happy with that for a while. I didn't have the pain or the thowing up or the diarehea. But what your gallbladder does is store extra bile, which helps to break down extra fat that your liver can't handle all by itself. I was warned by the doctors and by other people that had their gallbladders taken out that for 3-6 months I would experience pretty quick diarehea when I ate really greasy or really really rich food. Well, I didn't have too much trouble those first 6 months. But in the last 3 months, well, I can't eat anything without getting rid off it right away. Even when I don't eat ANYTHING, I sometimes get rid of something. Last Tuesday was the final straw. I was running errands and I almost didn't make it to the bathroom at my first stop (a bookstore). But I did make it and I thought it was over. All done. NOPE!!!!!!!!!!! Twenty minutes later, I'm in the middle of the local Walmart and it hits me that I realize I have to go to the bathroom. RIGHT NOW. Needless to say, I didn't make it and I shit myself in the middle of the Walmart store. I went to the bathroom and cleaned up as best as I could before I left the store. It was the most embarrassing moment I can remember ever. Luckily, I had my yearly physical Thursday and my doctor said that it was a lack of fiber and that I'm going to have to take fiber supplements for the rest of my life and eat lots of fruits and veggies for the rest of my life. Now, I don't know about you but I always thought that fiber supplements were for people who were constipated and that too many fruits and veggies would lead to diarrehea. But I guess not. I guess I'll just listen to my doctor for now. If it doesn't work, I'll go back to their morning walk-in clinic and crap myself there.
Then, there is the divorce. I filed the papers the day before my birthday and mailed them ON my birthday. Yes, another lovely birthday for Ava. I got the papers in the mail earlier this month saying that our court date is set for August 20th. It's pretty amicable and everything was agreed on before I filled out the papers so it should be pretty easy. The saddest part of it all is that I still love him very much and I know that he still loves me very much, even though we are trying to move on with our lives. I'm living with TyRoy and he's seriously talking to a woman he met on the internet. They are even talking about getting married when he gets back. I hope that everything works out well for them and that they don't have the same money problems that we did. Actually, in a weird bit of irony, the first paycheck he DIDN'T overdraw since we've been together was the first one AFTER I filed for divorce. Oh well.
Things with TyRoy are going pretty well. Most of the time, we are just kinda an old married couple. Especially since my latest birth control has robbed me of my sex drive and my wetness. (I just got a new one. I hope it works better.) The biggest thing about me living here was that I had to have a job or be working on finding a job. I have done that. I worked a temp job for a couple weeks. After that, I was sick but I got a job RIGHT after I got better. It will even work with school, which I have signed up for. I haven't asked him for any money, even though he pays the bills at the house. (Bills that he would pay whether I was here or not. I try to pitch in on the groceries but he doesn't really accept it. But at least I try.) BUT I still haven't figured out how to fight with him though. He didn't just shuts down and I can't get anything out of him and he says that nothing is wrong, though there obviously is, at least in my opinion. I felt so useless between the job (managers suck and make you feel bad) and not being able to help with the family and not being able to do anything with TyRoy that I just gave up. I called in with a family emergency (everyone knows that my uncle is sick) and I took a bunch of pills. Let me tell you though--- 120 .5 Clonazepam doesn't do anything! I could still fucking drive!. Next time I'm jumping off an overpass!
Well, I guess I'll end on a happy note. My job right now is as the cashier for the valet parking. I work Wednesday through Saturday nights. Today, I got up early, dressed, ran errands so that I would have a cooler, cold drinks, some protein, a personal cash tray, etc, etc, and get to work early so that I could park where they wanted me to (they keep changing where I"m supposed to park-assholes). I got there 30 minutes early. None of my valets were there or my managers. Finally I called my boss. Me: "Hey, where is everyone?" Boss:"We don't work on Sundays." Me: "Yeah, but it's Saturday." Boss: "No, it's Sunday." Only Valet there: "No, it's Sunday." Me: "Fuck. Sorry." Working these crazy hours has me all fucked up. BUT at least I have a job.
Thanks for listening. Comment if you want.
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