Tuesday, April 17, 2012

In case you didn't believe me...

In case you didn't believe me in the previous post, and you don't watch "Sex and the City" or read chick lit books, the us vs them in the straight dating world is alive and well. Obviously, I'm a little out of touch with popular music, as I was told this was a pretty popular song last year and I've never even heard of this band though all their albums have gone platinum. I think I prefer the hair bands to current rock, if this is it's pinnacle.

Ugh. I can't even bring myself to embed this song that I find pretty misogynistic in my blog. Here's the link if you dare: Theory of a Deadman "The Bitch Came Back" . Sample lyrics: "She's so fuckin' stupid bet she's singing along. The trouble with girls is they're all the same. Forget the diamonds and pearls they just want a ring...The bitch came back the very next day." blah blah blah.

Look, I'm all for a "he/she/you did me wrong" song, whether their conclusion is just "now I hate him/her/you" or "now I'm stronger and with someone way better than you." But those are very specific to individuals. I find less enjoyment in anything that says "all x are y." I know that people (mostly) write their experiences. These rockers have obviously had bad experiences with female partners in their lives. Rappers who's songs are mostly about crime and violence grew up seeing that. BT tried to convince me that all the violent, "women are all bitches only good for blowing me" songs from some band on the ICP label was tongue-in-cheek about the harsh, abusive world they grew up in. That's swell. And I'll defend their right to say, sing, make art about that. But that also means that I get have the right to not like their art and to think their art makes them seem like misogynistic, violent, abusive, criminal assholes (or some combination of those things.)

Also, if it didn't come across in my last post, I don't think that either side of the "us vs them" straight dating world divide is right. Everyone is different and shouldn't feel like they have to be squeezed into roles or desires. Straight men and women should feel free to want to get married or not want to get married, to want or not want children, to feel like the current ideal straight relationship roles are too constraining or are just right or something else along that spectrum. But, in case you hadn't figured this out about me, I think it's more important for an individual to figure out what they ultimately desire, and what they can work around, and for couples (or more-ples) to be honest with each other about those desires, find ways to for everyone to be as satisfied and happy as possible within reason, or to realize that they just aren't a good fit, without it being anyone's fault. Women, in general, are not bitches. Men, in general, aren't dicks or assholes. We're all just people living in this messed up world, trying to be as happy and fulfilled as possible given our cultural pressures and our unique histories. I think most of us want love, want loving relationships which nurture and support us. But those things mean different things to all of us and we have to find a way to make friends out of frenemies.

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