Thursday, April 26, 2012

More Problems With Words

Upon further reflection, the other problem with using the word "dominate" in how you handled the relationship is that it implies I submitted. There might have been times when I surrendered or just plain gave up, but I never submitted. 

Maybe I'm feeling lazy today, but here is a sort of basic outline of what is expected of a submissive:
The behaviour/expectations of a submissive are that they should be open, honest and respectful, polite at all times as your actions will reflect upon your Dom/me and if inappropriate can lead to loss of trust, a break down in communication, or punishments and in severe cases your service terminated.  A submissive should be able to carry out instructions and obey his/her Dominant. Desires and needs should be discussed at all times and a realistic solution will be negotiated with the Dominant.  If you are in a 24/7 D/s relationship then you will have had specific training, acquired knowledge on how to carry out your every day duties and have a contract in place.  Communicating with a Dom/me is not an open reason to "whinge or whine" they are there to guide you and their word is final.  Share your concerns in a respectful manner and remain calm, sharing is good but done in the right way will lead to positive solutions.  If further training is required then your Dom/me can put this in place.  Accepting your Dom/mes decision if they feel scenes are dangerous or unsafe, remember they know best and you need to respect this.  If there is any disrespect, you must accept that you will be dealt with directly and to take whatever punishment is seen fit.  Understand your levels of submission and what is expected of you, this is all part of your training. 

Someone who is submitting is not, unless it's part of the established play, going to actively disobey or disrespect zir Dominant, or violate the existing agreement. A submissive should not attempt to push past the Dominant's own hard limits. Negotiations are not arguments and should not result in the submissive yelling, screaming, crying or threatening because ze did not get zir way. A submissive would work hard to be a good reflection on zir Dominant. A submissive would realize that zir Dominant is human, makes mistakes, and not nag them to death about every little thing. Or nag them at all. A submissive would strive to understand zir Dominant's particular and specific expectations and either strive to meet them or renegotiate in a calm and respectful manner. A submissive would know that zir Dominant loves zir, even if the Dominant cannot or will not give them everything ze wants the exact moment they want it. A submissive would not manipulate or cheat on zir Dominant because of that. Even in a relationship where one partner is dominant and the other submissive, both partners are equal in their humanity and adulthood and should treat each other as such. 

So I guess there are a great many words and phrases that describe me better than someone who was dominated. 

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