Monday, August 04, 2014

What I'll be looking for when I start looking again

This was originally posted to my fet account last night but I wanted to share it here too. I don't think it's any more sexual than anything else I might typically post here.

I have been accused of being overly picky,  too dismissive, or just an outright bitch in the early stages of dating. On the one hand, that might all be true. On the other hand  however, I don't want to waste anyone's time, nine or yours, and I have a pretty good idea of what I want and what I don't want. Though I'm willing to excuse some things based in chemistry, I also know that chemistry only seems to happen when many of these things are in play. 

As of writing this, I'm newly single and I'm trying to get out in the community more, meet more people,  see more of what's out there, hopefully find other s-type (and maybe D-types) that I can form closer friendships with, particularly so that when I am in another relationship and experience new or weird feelings after play,  I have someone to help me work through it. (Yes, I know that sounds selfish. I'll try to bring something else to the table for my new friends.) But even though I'm barely out of my last relationship,  still trying to figure out how you get your heart back out of a M/s relationship actually, i have still had men interested in me. I thought I'd write this so that those men can see if we might actually be compatible before ever wasting anymore time.

The first thing that has to be there is the ever elusive "chemistry." That is something we wouldn't know before being around each other, but I want to make sure I warn people that if I'm not feeling it, I won't date you. It's not just getting along kinda chemistry that I'm talking about. It's that "even your sweat smells good" and I don't have to try to want to have sex with you. It's a pheromone or biology or whatever, something I can't explain and we can't do anything to create. And if I don't feel it, or you don't feel it, there's no point in going further.

Next, I am not looking for any casual play partners, or casual partners at all. The kind of things I want to do and the kind of relationship I want to have requires more trust than I could give to just a casual play partner. Also, while it is still a possibility,  I would like to attempt to have a biological child as part of the family I am trying to create for myself. Yeah, I know, I'm probably scaring off a good 70% of the men out there off, but that's kinda the point, right? If that's not something you want, then you shouldn't try to date me at all. I'm actually more worried about men who'll try to use that as a way to get out of using protection. Haha. Nope. That's a surefire way for me to not date you as well.

I haven't even touched on kink or roles, have I? First, i wanna make sure you get past the above things because if you try to use the things I'm about to write before im serious about you, I'll be the one doing the slapping. So what kind of kinkster am I looking for? Well, I'm greedy. I want a Dominant Sadistic Daddy Master. More than ever I realize that the dynamic between two people is developed between the two of them and no two dynamics will be the same. But I like a Sadistic Dominant in the bedroom/for play. My eyes are always bigger than my stomach when it comes to masochism but I would like to keep pushing my limits, deepening and widening my experiences. My idea of foreplay is making out while you pull my hair, candles are for pouring wax, I can make my own bubble bath, and I do not 'make love,' no matter how much I love you. I like scenes but I like even my sex on the regular to have some bit of that dominance to it. In our everyday out of the bedroom I have found that I do desire the stability, consistency,  challenge, and accountability that a 24/7 power exchange relationship affords, though I don't have particular protocol or hard and fast rules that I believe must be there. I don't need micromanaged. I don't need to keep traditional gender roles. In fact, I can't cook worth a shit, so I'm hoping you can. I don't need, or even want, for you to make all the decisions, especially without consulting me, but when I follow your orders or rules, I have to be able to trust that you are making decisions that are ultimately best for us and for me, not just whatever is best for you. I kinda also like a little bit of Daddy sprinkled in there. Baby me when I'm feeling sick, pet my hair when I'm down, have me call or text you when I get somewhere so you know I'm safe, be proud of me when I reach my goals and support me getting there.

I think that's a pretty good primer on what I am looking for which, with my profile, should eliminate us wasting each other's times. As rude and dismissive as this might sound, I would like to add that i dont think that men that don't fit what I am looking for are bad men or people or partners. I just don't think they are going to be good partners for me, nor me for them. And that is ok. The choices I make do not reflect on if someone else is deserving of love ir a relationship in general or of if they are doing their kink right or wrong. It is just what I think is best for me right now. I'm a big girl who has friends and loved ones to protect her already. I don't need a savior or a knight in shining armor or for you to tell me that I don't know what I want. But if you're still interested after all this and all the above doesn't disqualify us from each other, then, when my heart is a bit more healed, maybe we could date.

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