Monday, April 17, 2017

Often is the Question Asked "Am I a Bitch?"

I know that I may never find a primary partner, another Dom or Master, much less someone who would marry me. It will be difficult to find someone who meets the things that I am looking for, who is willing to put up with the life that I have, and who I have amazing physical chemistry with. Knowing this, I also know that I may be the one taking care of myself mostly by myself for a very long time, if not forever. I feel like often that means I come off like a bitch in pursuit of taking care of myself. 

It sucks that every time I want to pat myself on the back for doing what is right for me, I end up wondering if I'm coming off like a bitch. Maybe that's the nature of the beast. Maybe a man in my shoes worries that he ends up coming off like a dick or an asshole when he does the same thing. I also know that it doesn't come off as very submissive or like someone who would be a good servant, which probably also doesn't serve me well in finding a Dominant partner. 

But no I will not call you Sir, or some variation of Sir, unless you are MY Sir, we are playing and that is agreed upon, or you can make me. Or it's a part of the name you go by. But I'm not going to call every Dominant I meet Sir (or Ma'am) just because of the side of the fence they play from. 

No I will not send you pictures just because. If we are talking to date or we are dating, sure, but even then, no I will not send you pictures that are any dirtier than are already on my profile. 

No I will not date you just to give you or a relationship with you a chance. It doesn't matter if I think you are a nice person or would in general be a good partner. If I don't think we are going to be a good fit for each other or I don't have that chemistry with you, I'm not going to make myself go further into a relationship that I already feel isn't going to work. I'm not going to make myself have sex with someone just because they are a nice person if I don't want to have sex with them. 

No I will not play with you so you can gain experience. Maybe it is unfair to rule someone out because they don't have experience, because how are you supposed to get experience if no one will play with a newb Dom. But my higher priority has to be my safety, my physical, mental, and emotional safety. I don't want to be your experiment, the car you wreck because you didn't take driver's ed. I also don't want to top from the bottom or be your teacher. I think that all long-term couples grow and learn together, but you can't be starting from 0. 

No I do not have endless amounts of time to chat or go on dates. Even after I catch NRE, if I do catch NRE, I am still bound by the life I already have and I would also like to keep some of my alone time. I have to schedule dates and overnight sexytimes in advance. 

Yeah, I probably just need to invest in more and better sex toys. It's gonna be awhile.  

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