I've always tried to stay friends with my ex's. That's because most of them were friends to start with. But maybe I stay friends with them so I always have a fall-back, or also someone I am comfortable with that I know knows me. Or someone I know wants me sexually still. But with this comes problems.
In our 'Why T will never marry Ava' talk, T said that the cheating was bad enough but I still continued to talk to Ex-T afterwards and that really really bothered him. I didn't ask him at the time if I should have ended my 4+ year friendship with Ex-T because I fooled around with him once when I was really depressed without ever being asked by T. Should that mistake ruin/end our friendship?
Now, T and I are not together and probably will never be again. But I am working on my character. Is it better to continue my friendship with Ex-T who I've known now for 7 years or break contact with him, which T asserts I should have done earlier? [If you accept the premise that it was wrong for me to continue contact with him after I cheated with him as a general rule, no matter if T had requested it or not, then it should be the right thing to do even if I am not with T and never will be.]
Ultimately, I guess that also depends on why I value my friendship with Ex-T and what I am hoping to gain from it. Most immediately, I will have to say that it thrills me to know that he still desires me, physically and emotionally. I don't think I would ever act on it even though I am single but it is nice to know it is there. And if that was all there was, I probably shouldn't talk to him. But it isn't. I am so happy that he is really taking control of his life- working a decent paying job that he loves and thinking about moving out on his own to Mississippi and becoming a person separate from his own family and high school shit. Though he is afraid to end up alone, he isn't clinging to relationships that aren't working just to be with someone. And I love having someone to talk to that knows me and where I've been.
But I still wonder if I should be talking to him at all and maybe that I am asking that question at all is an answer in and of itself.
[post is dated back when I wrote it in journal not when really posted]