Thursday, June 21, 2007


I read recently on someone's myspace blog about one of the ways in which they "test" potential romantic interests. It basically involved texting them, asking what they were doing on a day when the blogger was free and then observing a) how long it took them to answer back and b) if they jumped at the opportunity to hang out, if they didn't have anything else planned prior. And I understand doing this. It is a simple way to get some idea of another person's interest in you and how high or low of a priority you might be to them at this point.

I however find I get tested in an opposite fashion by people who are interested in me. I might be paranoid and think everyone is doing this just because I know of one previous interest who tested me this way, but I obviously don't think so. I feel like I am tested on how long I can leave someone alone for. My interest knows that I am interested and has shown my that they are interested. I think they want to test how long I can trust the interest they have shown in me before I need it confirmed again. This might be something particular to straight men, as I've never really gotten to pursue anything with a stud/butch woman. But it seems to me that their attitude is that everyone should assume that everything stays the same, feelings, emotions, desires, in that period of time where there is no contact. If something were to change, then contact would be immediately resumed for them to tell you that, or for you to tell them that. In my experience, all these men have stressed how UNLIKE other men they are, so thus you should trust them when they say how they feel about you and you should trust them that when they are away or incommunicado (with no real explanation beforehand) they aren't just avoiding you because they don't like you anymore like other guys might do. And it's been my experience that they still do feel the same way about you when they come back/are once again in communication with you as before. Except that if you bug them during this unspecified, unannounced, trial by fire that you aren't aware is going on, they will make judgements about how clingy you are. And you might be clingy. You might be insecure. Or you might just want to not drag out something that they might be ending by not contacting you when it could just be over and done with and you could be out trolling the bars for your next hookup. (Ok, so it is probably the first two options, clinginess and insecurity, in my case, but there is always the possibility that it is the third...) No matter how long I try to hold out, I always seem to fail.

As for me, my tests are pretty typical girl/femme tests. Because an ex I had spoiled me, I really really love it when someone opens my car door. (It doesn't hurt if they lean in and kiss me before closing it either.) I also like spontaneous visits, just because you were in the area and knew I'd be someone where (or you weren't in the area but knew I'd be there and had the time.) I also love phone calls when I wasn't expecting to talk to you because I knew you had another thing going, but you called because you knew I'd had a hard day.

*Funny thing in that paragraph up there...I started with a general someone, with someone I don't know, and somehow I got into "you" as if there was a "you" I was talking about....Hmmm*

I wonder how other people "test". Feel free to comment on this.

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