Sunday, June 24, 2007


I've always liked my vices and, while I have, fortunately, never had the opportunity to indulge in any and every vice I've ever wanted to try, I have tried to try those that were available to me. But I've always tried to balance out my vices and bad habits with other things. For example, I don't think that my family much minded my eccentric teenage interests and my serious boyfriends because I was also a straight A student who held down a job too. As I got older and dyed my hair different colors, got multiple piercings and tatooes, came out, etc, my family was pretty accepting because I wasn't getting into any kind of trouble. (Not that any of those things listed above are vices, just showing how I tried to balance it out.) I currently live under my parents' roof (though I'm staying with my grandparents helping them this summer) and it is pretty easy because they don't mind when I indulge in my vices, as long as I do so quietly. They know I drink, sometimes smoke (though never in their house), go out to the bar, and have sex. My other biggest vice is eating, which I'm trying to work on curbing but I'm a sucker for good food, and even not-so-good food that my body has gotten used to--mostly fast food.

But, even without ever having succumb to the extreme debauchery and over-indulgence of most people I know, at 25, I'm suffering the physical consequences of my vices. About four years ago, I developed horrible acid reflux, probably from gaining weight, which has now morphed into a condition where combinations of stress, greasy food, smoking, and/or drinking will cause me to feel like my ribs are about 3 sizes too small. It's painful and, if I didn't know what it was because of my mom's experience with similar feelings, I would think was a heart attack. While I started actively working on getting healthier and loosing weight in October of last year, the first "episode" did not occur until Christmas Day, after two days of rich, heavy, greasy foods, alcohol, and chocolate. Between then and June, I'd probably had four more episodes, usually because of some combination of poor eating and alcohol and stress. I've also discovered that my stomach does not like red wine and that I can't eat movie theater popcorn without spending massive amounts of time in the bathroom afterwards, which really sucks because I LOVE movie theater popcorn, especially at AMC where they let you put your own massive amounts of butter and salt on it.

But I was hoping that while i was here taking care of my grandparents, I would be able to indulge a little bit to take some of the edge off the current situation. No such luck. In the two weeks I've been here, I've had four episodes. I'm sure stress played a role in all of them. The first one happened the day after I got here, on Friday. I had eaten a large Jack in the Box combo and a chocolate shake the night before, so I shouldn't have been surprised when that came back to bite me in the ass. Then, I got a bladder infection from a combination of messing around with someone knew (my body has to adjust to new people), having to hold it when I had to pee for hours, and drinking too much alcohol without enough water later for the better part of 4 days. This was about Wednesday morning. My next chest episode occured after a large lunch at IHOP, which left me just as quickly as I ate it, followed by a too-large Mexican dinner and a margarita that night. This was Thursday. Things went ok for a few days. I ate only things I made at home for myself. I drank nothing but water and cranberry juice. Then, things went crazy at the hospital and my Grandma was very upset and I'd just wolfed down a Arby's combo and a Mt Dew, so I had another attack. This was Monday. Last night, on my way home from the hospital, I decided to have a couple of cigarettes on my way home. Within ten minutes, I was having another episode.

Ok, so I can't eat fast food (or even anything I haven't made at home pretty much). I can't drink alcohol. I can't smoke. And my sex life was going really great and being my primary way to blow off steam, but it is largely up in the air right now.

So, what vices do I have left??? If you want to comment, let me know what your vices are. Maybe I'll pick up a bad habit from you.

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